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Let’s see. It’s like you’re driving down through canyons and the beautiful mountain passes and you’ve just got that music that takes you…and you get the scenery just perfect, you know? …You have the wind in your hair.

This interview took place in my cousin’s house during a family BBQ. there were five of us in the room.

Charles is my cousin, but I call him Femi. I like our relationship because he introduces me to new things whenever I see him. I’m a fan of the Bourne Series because he long-term borrowed the collection to me a few years ago, and I’m able to look at politics through a different lens as he encourages me to do so. He’s in the Military, which is always a great conversation starter too. Charles is one of the first people I told about the interviews I planned to conduct and he said it was a good idea, so I ran with it. I guess the interview itself is a tribute to him.

Here is his response:

Hi, what’s your name?

Charles Olorunfemi Fadipe.

What did you eat for breakfast?

I had a croissant and two bananas.

Do you like your hair?

Yeah!

Why do you like your hair?

Because it doesn’t give me any fuss. I just wash it and go, and that’s it.

(In the background, my sister shouts ‘wash and go!’ I believe she means a different type of wash and go).

 

What’s one thing you wish you had done?

Today?

Whenever. It’s all down to interpretation, so try to ask me as few questions as possible.

Um, one thing I wish I had done…appreciate the times I had when I was back in Uni, especially for the first time. You never really know how much you enjoy it until it’s gone and you’re actually working. So to appreciate the times I had, especially with friends. Once you get out of that college and uni space, everyone starts to part ways, and you just meet up occasionally. You really don’t get to have that feeling or experience again.

What is one thing you regret doing?

I don’t know that I actually have any regrets, because everything that I’ve done – whether I have succeeded or failed, I’ve always learnt from it. So, I don’t actually have anything that I regret doing.

A few people have said that which is really good; I have so many regrets. Do you find politics interesting?

I find politics very interesting.

Why?

Well, one is part of my job description. Being in the military, you have to be aware of the geo-political space around it. The military isn’t just going and fighting. The people that send you in are the politicians, so you have to know what they’re thinking, why they’re thinking it, and how what you’re going to do is going to further advance what they’re trying to do.

Interesting. How did you feel when you turned 18?

Like I was finally an adult. I could vote, I could drink if I so wanted to… everything that you can do as an adult is on you, and up to you.

Is there something that makes you happy?

Erm… I think I’m happiest when I am in a peaceful location, and as an introvert… sometimes I like to go hiking on my own just in the hills and mountains. The peace I find there is really tranquil. Wales, Scotland, or even going somewhere else…

Is there someone that makes you happy?

My family, my friends, that’s pretty much it, yeah.

Ok. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If you want something go for it. Which statement do you agree with the most?

If you want something go for it.

If it’s meant to be, it will happen?

‘If it’s meant to be, it will happen’ is kind of saying that because you have a dream, then somehow, it’s going to happen. But a dream remains a dream if you don’t act upon it. So you have to strive to make something happen.

So you agree with ‘if you want something go for it’ more?

I do.

When is the last time you read a book?

Today.

What book did you read?

Parts of Animal Farm…

I love that book!

 …and parts of The Israeli Solution. Caroline Glick; it’s very interesting. I didn’t get to a Bible verse today.

Oh.

I would have, maybe later today.

Okay. This is quite a deep one. Is there something you don’t like about yourself?

(A long pause ensues)

That is a tough one actually.

Yeah.

I tend to be quite satisfied with myself, but I guess if anything I’d probably say I’d like to improve my mental strength a bit more. There are certain times (and this is more in the military side of things), there are certain times when you have to push, and you’re in pain, and then you have to push even more. There’s always that time when you want to quit. So it’s not something I don’t like about myself, just something I want to improve, it’s to be able to increase that mental strength, just so that pain is easier to break through.

It is nice to have someone speak about where they can improve, rather than focusing on the things they feel like they will struggle to change about themselves.

 

Nice. Why do people like the Spice Girls so much?

(He sighs) There was a generational change, you know? They were like the advent of this whole ‘Girl Power’ thing coming up.

(My sister disagrees in the background. This question was her idea.)

You guys are thinking ‘what is he talking about?’ But back then, you had boy bands and you had singles here and there, but you didn’t really have any iconic girl group or anything like that. The Spice Girls swept in and they were having fun; their songs were catchy and they attracted a lot of women to bands and music in general.

At that time, Spice Girls were bigger than Destiny’s Child.

Do you care for 90s Rnb?

Of course. It takes me back to my childhood.

Can you use an analogy to describe love?

Let’s see. It’s like you’re driving down through canyons and the beautiful mountain passes and you’ve just got that music that takes you…and you get the scenery just perfect, you know?

(Femi starts smiling) You have the wind in your hair.

(We were all so happy with his response and someone asks why he answered the question so sincerely. Femi replies ‘We care about you guys, so we do things properly with you. That’s why’).

 

Why don’t all friendships last forever?

Well, all friendships don’t last forever because not all friendships are friendships. Some friendships are what you’d actually call acquaintances. So when you’re in school and college, you make acquaintances with whoever you hang out with there, but you wouldn’t actually get to know them outside of whatever it is you’re doing.

Mm.

So you talk about the subjects that relate to you, but you don’t know them deeply. Your real friends are the people you get to know; you get to know their deepest fears and they get to know yours. You’re comfortable sharing your hopes and dreams with them. That’s why those friendships last longer.

So it’s basically friendship versus acquaintance?

Pretty much.

Who do you miss?

This is an interesting question, because I don’t tend to miss people. I always feel I’m going to see someone again. For example, my brother Justin. He’s been in Norway doing a PhD for two and a half odd years and I don’t really miss him,

You don’t miss him?

Not really. I’ve seen him once, when I went to Norway – but I don’t miss him. He’s always chatting on the phone with my sister… I always know what people are doing. Maybe that’s why I don’t miss him so much.

What do you miss?

What do I miss… sometimes peace and quiet.

(I laugh)

Again, it comes with being an introvert, especially when its gets really busy and there are a lot of people around, it saps my energy to be around them for too long. Almost like today. I need that peace and quiet to regroup.

How are you?

Right now, I’m actually pretty good. I’m back into this thinking space because of this (the interview), so I’m doing well.

Do you believe in God?

Yes.

Why?

Because everything I’ve seen in my life at the moment points to it. There’s no evidence that points to a lack of the existence of God.

Ooh. Good one. Have you ever been told that you’ve changed?

No, I don’t think I have…no.

Name an opinion of yours that has changed.

My politics have changed. When I was younger, I thought that everything could somehow be fair and that there’s a magical solution for everything. But as I’ve grown up, the realisation has set in that not everything is fair.

So equality of opportunity or equality of outcome?

Equality of opportunity. It depends on personal responsibility after that.

(Femi and I had a conversation about these terms once. It’s an interesting way to look at politics and the manifestos of various political parties.)

 

What did you get in GCSE science?

Double A (AA) back in my day.

Favourite TV show?

I have a few. The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Grey’s Anatomy…Power.

(My cousins start shouting in the background. We didn’t expect him to say Power)

Billions, Gilmore Girls…

(Then we all started talking about TV shows to watch)

Define yourself.

I feel that that I am a spirit, with a soul that connects to my mind; the mind controls the body, and that produces the essence that you see before you.

Do you think you’re photogenic?

I don’t really care, but you know, people say that I’m quite photogenic. Um, I was at the bus stop one time, just waiting as you do. And this woman comes up to me and gives me a card, and was like ‘have you ever thought about modelling?’ I was like ‘me?’ and she said ‘yeah if you ever think about it, give me a call.’

(I’d never heard that story before)

 

What’s your favourite type of sandwich?

I don’t really eat sandwiches that much, but anything with meat in it, and I’m good.

What is the difference between happiness and joy?

Happiness is an emotion that comes and goes – it fluctuates. Joy is something that’s within you; more of a constant.

What do you buy when you’re treating yourself?

Books. I don’t really buy food, or clothes. As you guys can see… I’m not that stylish!

Can you spill your heart out to me?

Spill my heart out?

(In the background someone tells him to not do it, and just say no like everybody else. Femi ignores her.)

At the moment, I’m just very happy that you guys are all around here, because this is one of the memories that I’m going to keep in my head. When I’m going through rough times, I’m going to think about these moments…

(One of my cousins speaks about how not many people are honest like that)

…You have to take the time to appreciate the moments you’re in because they’re going to go before you know it. It will carry me through tough situations and give me strength.

Name one thing that everyone but you seems to understand.

That’s difficult. I don’t know, but it’s something that will require a lot more thinking. It’s very hard to be able to discover something you’re ignorant about that everyone else knows. By definition, you don’t know what you know, so you can’t really say what you don’t know because you don’t know it.

Okay. Last question. Is there something you want people to know about you?

Hm. I mean, there aren’t things I really want people to know about me…not really. Just that I like my family.

(‘Aw!’ says everyone in the background)

Except from my sister. I don’t like my sister.

(I believe he was joking).

It was a nice drive back to London from Birmingham; I look forward to the next time I’ll see Femi. Or Charles.

 

I want to believe in something higher because it makes you feel like someone is always there for you. I haven’t seen anything to make me believe, but I just want to believe. Does that make sense?

This interview took place when we were on our way to a restaurant in early August. The one thing I love about our friendship is how real we are with one another. I often find her encouraging me to be more open and social, and this has helped my journey to becoming a more well-rounded person. Kahlea and I talk about random stuff like this sporadically, but the interview allowed us to talk about it all at once.

Here is her response:

What did you eat for breakfast?

Nothing.

Why?

Cause I don’t eat breakfast. I’m not really a fan of it, it’s pretty boring. It’s always the same stuff: eggs, bread and butter.

(She laughs)

Is there anything you think about on a regular or daily basis?

What I would do in the future – I think about that a lot. Especially with the subject I’m choosing for university; it’s not really a conventional subject so it’s really hard for people to understand sometimes.

What subject is it?

Drama and performance.

What draws you to drama and performance?

Um, I’ve been doing it since I was young and it’s the only subject/hobby that I can express myself the most without feeling embarrassed. Especially when you put yourself in a different character’s perspective. The most rewarding thing about it is when you see how the audience reacts to you; either good or bad. It lets you know when to do better.

Define happiness.

When you smile. (She laughs) When you feel euphoric.

Define joy.

Isn’t that the same thing as happiness? To be joyful?

Do you see a difference between happiness and joy?

No. They go in the same category. Just different versions of saying the same thing.

If I asked you to spill your heart out to me…

No, not on the train.

We both laugh, because we’re on the district line in the middle of the day; I can’t blame her. But I await an answer to this question!

 

Do you often feel lonely?

Yeah. I’m an only child.

Does being an only child make you lonely though?

No, not necessarily. For instance, I didn’t feel lonely when I was younger, and everyone used to say to me ‘I didn’t know you were an only child, I thought you had like 6 siblings!’ They say I’m so social.

But sometimes it does get lonely when you’re by yourself and you want to be with other people.

Has it become more prominent as you’ve grown older?

Yeah. Especially in exam season when you’re stressing out. It’s not that easy.

What do you buy when you’re treating yourself?

Hmm… (She smiles) Twix, Wotsits, Maryland cookies, Chinese food, McDonalds…

What’s your favourite Chinese place called?

Snax.

How old are your parents?

I don’t know, they don’t tell me.

Name one thing that everyone but you seems to understand.

That’s a very broad question.

It can be something simple, like a subject or an opinion that people have.

(She sighs)

Can we get back to that one?

Yeah. Is there something you want people to know about you?

I don’t think there’s anything interesting to know about me.

It doesn’t have to be interesting…

I don’t know. Um…

Or is there a thing that you wish you could tell someone when you meet them, but you can’t tell them straight away?

Not really. I don’t know, I’d have to think about that one too.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I do not know. But, I would want it to involve something to do with the skills that come with acting.

Can you use an analogy to describe love?

Um, love is like your favourite food; you always want more.

Aw! That’s cute!

(I found that so simple and nice.)

 

Is there anything you get carried away with?

Having fun. When you have fun, you don’t want to stop. So you just get carried away with it.

Why don’t all friendships last forever?

Kahlea uses her relationship with a primary school friend as an example. They have reconnected and lost contact multiple times since they were 10 years old. They recently spoke a few weeks ago.

It could be circumstances. It could be that you lose interest in the thing that made you two connect. Fall-outs, and just moving on with your life. Loads of things actually.

What do you miss?

How creative I used to be. Because I don’t draw as much as I used to. Actually, I haven’t drawn in years. So when you gave me that book, it made me want to get back into it.

I gave her a sketchbook for her 18^th birthday to encourage her to start drawing again.

 

Who do you miss?

I don’t know, it always depends. I can’t really think of someone right now. If anything, I miss a person if I haven’t seen them in a while – not if I haven’t spoken to them in forever.

Do you have a diary?

No. I did when I was younger, but I’d forget and never go back to it. I can’t commit, that’s it.

What do you think of social media?

Scary. Because you put yourself out there, and you can always compare yourself to other people. And sometimes you get carried away with likes. When I first posted on Instagram, my cousin was like ‘Don’t worry if you don’t get many likes’ but I’m happy with how much I got. But now it’s like I’m constantly looking, and I don’t want to because I didn’t do that before.

I think that what social media does is give you something to think about when you can really live without thinking about it! When I deleted Instagram during exams, I didn’t even miss it. And when it’s there, it just feels like an extra way to waste time.

What did you get in GCSE science?

(She scoffs) Actually, for the ISA’s, I got an A and an A*. But overall, I got a C, because of how I did in the actual exam.

If you could live in a different country, where would it be?

That’s hard because there are a couple of countries that I love. Hawaii – anywhere that’s tropical. I was born in Jamaica, I’ve always loved the heat.

How are you?

Fine, thanks for asking. (Laughs again)

Define ‘Expressing yourself’

Being able to open yourself up and allow people to understand you on a deeper level.

How do you express yourself?

One way is definitely through acting. Um, another way is by meeting new people in general. First ex-, first um… what’s it called again? First expressions influence people?

Oh first impressions count?

Yeah first impressions count, but that’s not always true. You can meet someone like me and find me very annoying, but after a long time you get to like me! So, I don’t know, that doesn’t even link to expression.

I think you can express yourself by meeting new people.

Yeah.

Or how you approach people. Because you can just show the truest form of yourself. Every time you meet a new person, you have the opportunity to be you, or to be somebody else. Choosing to be yourself is the best option, because you don’t want to lie. If you express yourself whole-heartedly whenever you meet a new person, that just shows you’re of good character, so I think that’s cool.

Purple or yellow?

Purple.

Red or green?

Red.

Black or white?

Ooh. Black goes with everything.

I wanted to see if hesitation would be the most obvious with the ‘black or white’ question. I think it depends on if the person thinks about race or just colours.

 

Do you believe in God?

Yes.

Why?

I just want something to believe in. I don’t just want to be walking around this Earth and think that this is it. I want to believe in something higher because it makes you feel like someone is always there for you. I haven’t seen anything to make me believe, but I just want to believe. Does that make sense?

Yeah. For me, I believe in God because I think of it as ‘If I don’t have God, what do I have?’ Praying for Results Day is an example. If I didn’t have God, I’d just be nervous.

Exactly. It’s like an alternative person to turn to.

Name an opinion of yours that has changed.

Um, you don’t always have to be nice to people just so they like you. During sixth form, I always tried to be nice to people, and I realised it’s not that beneficial. You can’t be close to people if you’re just nice to everyone. You’re just mutually there with everyone.

Have you ever been told that you’ve changed?

Yeah. But it’s usually from people in church saying ‘You’ve grown taller! You look prettier!’

Favourite TV show?

Can I give you a list? Teen Wolf, The Walking Dead, Riverdale, 13 Reasons Why, Scandal, How To Get Away with Murder…

Most of these shows are about death!

(She laughs.) I also like YouTube videos.

Define yourself.

Awkward, bubbly, easily embarrassed, open.

Do you think you’re photogenic?

No!

I realise that it is hard to claim yourself as photogenic.

 

Favourite type of sandwich?

Tuna and sweetcorn.

Do you really want to go to university?

Yes. At first I didn’t because I thought I wouldn’t get in due to how I was in Sixth Form. Getting in with a subject I like really makes me want to go.

Okay. We’re gonna go back to the two questions you skipped.

Name one thing that everyone but you seems to understand.

I don’t get it when people hate people that they don’t know. I also never understood assuming that someone is mean just because they’re pretty.

Is there something you want people to know about you?

Um, I’m a sensitive person, so don’t be mean to me. (She laughs) get to know me!

Okay. That’s good enough.

Then we got  on the Overground to Shoreditch High Street.

 

“Happiness is when you are surrounded with people that you like, and you are content with yourself. You have self-peace.”

The first person I interviewed was my friend Eboni. We’ve been friends since year 7 and it’s safe to say that we shaped each other’s sense of humour. I was excited to interview her because we don’t have serious conversations all the time, so I wanted to find out things that aren’t casually mentioned. This conversation took place in a gallery. It is long, but so good.

Here is her response:

Hi, what’s your name?

Eboni.

What did you eat for breakfast?

I ate – well this is quite interesting, are you ready?

Yes

You know when you go to the shop and you can get Cod that’s in breadcrumbs, I had that with an omelette.

Ooh. (She laughs)

Well, I was supposed to have my dinner from yesterday but I left it in the oven instead of putting it in the fridge so I couldn’t eat it anymore. I also had jollofrice.

Was it nice?

Yeah, I put it in the microwave but it all stuck together.

Do you like your hair?

Love it.

Why do you like your hair?

It’s friggin amazing, that’s why.

(She laughs again). What’s one thing you wish you had done?

That’s a hard question. I don’t know what you’re trying to aim at.

It can be a small thing or a big thing.

I wish I started dance earlier, because now, I’m at the university stage and I have to take a gap year to actually do what I want. There’s more opportunities for kids as well.

What is one thing you regret doing?

Um… I literally don’t regret anything, I won’t lie. To be honest, I don’t really do bad things, and I’d like to think that I always do the right thing.

Do you find politics interesting?

Yep.

Why?

Because it controls your life whether you like it or not. You can say ‘I don’t like politics.’ But either way, it’s gonna affect you.

Interesting. How did you feel when you turned 18?

I didn’t feel anything. I just thought ‘I need to do my exams’, because my exams were like the week afterwards, so I didn’t actually get to have a fear about being 18.

Did you realise anything?

You mean when I was turning 18?

Or did you come to any conclusions about life?

No, because my whole life was just focused on exams at that moment. It was quite stressful. I felt overwhelmed about my party as well.

Oh yeah, your party. A good overwhelmed or a bad overwhelmed?

Both, because I was thinking that I should actually be doing work.

On the day of your party? It was one day!

I know, but exams were so soon.

At this point, we had walked into another section of the gallery.

 

Is there something that makes you happy?

Erm…when I get a dance routine.

Does it take long to master one?

You get an hour and a half.

Is there someone that makes you happy?

Probably my parents, I guess. When they’re happy to give me money! But no, my mum probably, the person that makes me the happiest.

What do you like about your mum?

She’s a joker, she’s funny.

Ok. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If you want something go for it. Which statement do you agree with the most?

They both work together.

You think so?

Yeah. Cause if something is meant to be, it will happen, but you’ve still got to work for it. That’s the thing, when you pray to God for something, you can’t just wait for him to do it. You’ve got to work hard for it as well. You need to do something about it, and it will happen if it’s meant to happen.

Is there something you don’t like about yourself?

It took her a long time to answer this question.

Um, maybe when I meet new people, I feel like I shy away. I feel like I’m not who I really am when I meet someone new.

But do you become yourself as you get closer to them?

Yeah.

I think I’m the same

Is it? It’s not a bad thing though…

It’s not a bad thing.

Some people just don’t care and they go for it straight away; I wish I was more like that.

Why do people like the Spice Girls so much?

Ridiculous question.

(We laugh) Do you care for 90s Rnb?

I love it. It brings me back.

Back to 1999? (Note my sarcasm)

Yeah, cause they were still played after the millennia!

Is there anything you think about on a regular or daily basis?

Um, I think about dance, every day. And different goals that I have to achieve. And ‘What class should I take today?’

There are different classes?

Yeah, every day there are loads of different open classes.

Which ones do you usually go to?

Well there’s this guy called Andy and today is one of his last classes in England. He does hip-hop.

Define happiness.

Happiness is when you are surrounded with people that you like, and you are content with yourself. You have self-peace. Actually you don’t always have to have self-peace, because sometimes you can be depressed then go outside and be with people that you like. When you have a good time with them, you forget about being sad.

When that happens though, are you no longer sad or have you just been distracted from it?

You’ve been distracted from it.

Define joy.

Hmm… I think joy is like a short moment of happiness. Say you win the lottery, or it’s New Year’s Day and it’s just reached 12 O’clock, you’re like ‘Yay!’ and overcome with joy.

So what’s the difference between happiness and joy then?

I think happiness lasts for a long time, and it’s… ok, joy is like an explosion, like when a bomb explodes and suddenly it’s over.

Like a firework?

Yeah. But then happiness is like a sunrise, and it’s beautiful and lasts for ages.

That’s interesting, because I think it’s the opposite.

Really?

Yeah. I think joy is really really hard to acquire, because joy never leaves. I think that very few people in this world would have joy.

Is joy when you’ve reached a goal?

I just feel like joy is happiness in spite of circumstances; like a happiness that never ever goes away.

I don’t think of it like that; it’s crazy how people think of it differently.

Can you spill your heart out to me?

(Eboni laughs)

I can’t!

I knew this question would cause people to make a double take, it’s basically me asking them to become completely vulnerable with no good reason to do so. I’m interested to see if anyone will take the leap and actually do so.

Do you often feel lonely?

You know what this sounds quite sad, but I have my phone on me, so if I feel lonely I just go my room and go on my phone. It makes me feel like I’m connecting with people when I’m not really. I’m just looking at their photos.

What do you buy when you’re treating yourself?

I buy clothes. I don’t even buy them to be honest – my mum buys them for me. But yeah I like to buy clothes. But now that I’m working, she’s not gonna buy me anything!

How old are your parents?

My mum is 51 and my dad is 55. What about you?

My dad is 54 and my mum is 50.

So it’s like a 1 year gap.

Yeah. Name one thing that everyone but you seems to understand.

The thing that really annoys me at the moment is black people not loving themselves. I mean, I understand how it happens cause it could be because your parents haven’t taught you how to. But I surround myself with people who love that they’re black, basically. Also that light-skin and dark-skin thing. Oh my gosh, I hate it so much. As a race we’re already separated, and if we just stuck together, how powerful could we be?

When I was doing my hair this morning I thought of something. I felt one part of my hair and it was soft and I felt another side and it was kind of rough because my hair is different textures. I thought to myself ‘I like this feeling’, then I thought, what if we were taught that a rough feeling is nice as well? Black people would probably love their hair more. I don’t know why I thought of that!

Ok, last question. Is there something you want people to know about you?

Hmm… I’m a cool person if you come and talk to me.

(She laughs.)

No, not really. Oh, back to something about myself. I think that I try and do too many things at once, like I wanna dance, I wanna skateboard, I wanna have a YouTube channel as well…

What’s wrong with that?

I wanna do so many things, but I have to focus on one.

No, I think you should try and do as many things as you can. You’ll fail at things that you aren’t supposed to do and you’ll succeed at things you are supposed to do.

That’s true. I just wanna do everything and be the best at everything. I don’t know.

Is there anything else you want to say?

No that’s it. Peace out!

We laugh, and I end the interview.

I made my first blog post in November, but allowed myself to forget about it since then. Hopefully, the next few posts are the start of consistency and a collection of good reads.

Some time ago, I realised that as humans we love to talk about ourselves. I gathered this from my conversations with various people; noticing a lot more passion on their side of the conversation when they got the chance to speak about themselves. The only problem is that sometimes we restrain ourselves when speaking to someone, as too much mention of oneself puts you across as self- centered.

So, my upcoming blog posts will be conversations I’ve had with my friends a family, in which I ask them many questions about themselves. some are personal, and some aren’t.

The aim is to allow people to talk about themselves freely without feeling the need to stop in order to be polite. Also, I hope to find out more about human behaviour and responses to certain things as I ask people challenging questions.

I hope they’re enjoyable reads, and that you can relate somehow to their responses.