Love, wonder, freedom

Despite the strength in my pen,
I know these words won’t cause waves unless I say them to you
But I’ll still tell myself you like to read

We love each other like the children we are
Only able to express it with the simplest of words
because the naïve one inside is still new to this

How do we articulate complexity so simply
The weight behind ‘I’m in love with you’
pulling ‘I love you’ to the bottom of the sea

I heard someone loved someone else with purpose
and it stuck with me
Maybe love words can be complicated after all
Some liken their love to reflections in mirrors
and other halves
So I wonder how you articulate yours

We wonder what crosses their minds when they try to sleep
We wonder if they think of us

There’s a lot of loving and wondering in the air
so we can wear our masks if we want
There’s a yearning for freedom in the atmosphere
so I will go when I give myself permission
And I will keep going whenever freedom grows walls
that begin to encroach on me.

I’ll give life some time to untangle
while I accept there will always be a knot somewhere
I will use disorganised poetry
as a sign of disorganised thinking
A fire signal on your screen to pray for me if you still believe in God

The only cloud in the sky 

He’s the only cloud in the sky
dwelling in absent companionship
while the sun shines from behind
as if there’s a reason to go on

Perhaps there is
since above is still blue
and the birds are still singing

It may be a time for alone-ness,
which isn’t the same as loneli-ness
Could be a time for solitude,
intentionally fixated on himself

Knowing that one day
some clouds will return
and perhaps he’ll float away from them
so they can find themselves too

How close am I

How close am I to the jazz lounge
I’ve only ever seen it in my dreams
In the same way that I see him
When I close my eyes at night

When writing poems in the pages of novels
Peering out of windows from behind 3 monitors
All it takes is some jazz and rain
And I begin to wonder
If this is it

Surely there’s somewhere else I belong
Where I can slide into my dreams with ease

I wonder how long I can keep up this gag
Until the desire to express overtakes me
And I’ve no choice but to succumb.

At that point I’d be a slave to emotion
Incapable of turning my mind off
Losing myself in thought
Convincing others that it’s not a good thing

But proximity won’t let up
Because time only moves forward
And I know one day I’ll arrive,
The jazz lounge of my dreams

how 2 be hurt

Open yourself up
even though that’s hard
find someone who
makes you believe
they want to see that side of you
that they can take it

allow them to be closed off to you
and stay down when
they throw you away
and tell you it was a
misunderstanding

think about them
for months afterwards

let them back in
when they knock again

repeat.

(good luck)

Poetry book loading…

Something exciting is on the way.. stay tuned for my poetry book! It’s been years in the making and I didn’t even know. I’m so excited. This Friday, we’ll welcome the old and the new with intention. It will be the end of an emotional (and beautiful) labour. 🤎

25.02.22 – Now available: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09TDRL8KL/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?crid=3SV0DRR3DU7LB&keywords=you+can+change+your+mind.&qid=1645785169&sprefix=%2Caps%2C213&sr=8-5

To be known

I don’t want to be realised
I want to be known from the beginning,
Fully understood and accepted
By those who want what’s beneath the surface

Hoax

Through tears I persist to envision this beautiful world
While holding onto lyrics for dear life
and wondering why it’s taken so long for me to cry
I’m the straw that broke my own back.
I always knew strength was a hoax
though weakness isn’t desirable either
Now I don’t know what I see
for mediocrity
is proving to be
the death of me

Wax poetic

I won’t stop myself from writing about you,
even if it’s just for me.
To wax poetic is the last thing
I’ll let you take from me

I’ll explore this.

I’m open to opening up again
but only when it’s time

Next time I won’t underestimate myself
I’ll keep guard of my heart
and never let it down
I’ll never let myself down.

But thanks for showing me
there is some warmth I hold inside,
A fuzzy excitement when my phone rings
after I finally save your number

Or a good morning text
that I never hoped to see until now
A how was your day
as we share mundane details

You’ve shown me I can want it again
Though I wish it could be between us
I see for the best, it shouldn’t be

And that’s okay with me.

This boundary is for the good of us both.
Access denied to Mr Unintentional,
thanks for your company.

You asked me twice if I love myself
To which I replied yes
So you should’ve expected me to say
let’s not do this again

And if you didn’t
I guess you were never really listening,
it was one of my reservations after all.

Today was hard because I wanted to hear & see you
But deprived of that,
I see what I do need;
a firm separation from you.

I rushed that.

Let’s just say,
I pray for strength ‘when’ you call me again
may my memory never fade
and my self-certainty remain
and remind me to never give you another chance
no matter what my heart says