Category: Think Pieces

Clichés are annoying and cheesy, but no one has died from hearing such truths.

I place these phrases in the same category:

– Self-belief
– Hard work
– Team work

They are tiring, cliché topics of motivation. However, clichés are just the common denominators of thought and discovery. Despite going through various experiences, people have arrived at the same conclusions; as a result, these conclusions have become annoying clichés. Yet, they mean something.

Yes, sometimes it’s good to go against the grain and do your own thing, avoiding clichés as best as you can.

However, as it says in Proverbs 12:15, it’s the wise that listen to counsel. And counsel from credible sources often suggests that you should believe in yourself, work hard and embrace team work.

Let’s try and explore the following:

• Self-belief

“Self-belief is the only belief.”

Sometimes you don’t believe in yourself because you think that you aren’t good enough; in this moment, you don’t have the skills or capabilities that make what you do worth believing in.

But you want to believe in yourself. And when you become good enough, it will be easy to do so. So, you just have to make yourself good enough.

This will happen when you work hard on what you feel like you aren’t completely capable of right now. As you do so, you will get better at what you do and the self-belief concerning your capabilities will grow.

Hard work is the key to self-belief.

• Hard work

“No growth comes from the comfort zone.”

We fail to work hard because we fear pain and discomfort. Yet we need to seek our capabilities in the realm of discomfort:

Putting your back into your craft is painful, but ultimately worth it as you break past the glass ceiling that you have created for yourself in the vein of laziness and lack of effort.

This is the kind of pain you bounce back from, like giving birth. As you look at the fruit of your labour, the pain becomes worth it.

In relation to self-belief, you work hard in order to become so good at your craft, that your self-belief becomes irrefutable.

• Team work

“Team work makes the dream work.”

You can perfect your craft with your own abilities, and often in conjunction with the abilities of others. As you work hard as a team, your collective self-belief blooms: Everybody eats.

Shared responsibility = net growth. We all get a slice and with hard work and focus, this won’t take away from the value of your own endeavours.

Clichés are annoying and cheesy, but no one has died from hearing such truths. Work towards self-belief as an individual, and with the help of others. There is great value in the undeniability of capability.

To put things simply, I have a lot on my mind and I pour some of it out on my blog. Below are all of the think pieces that I have posted this year. As always, I hope you can relate to something. Scroll down to read them all! ❤

Apparently when I feel like I’m about to die, I scream.

 

When I decided to be a “writer”, I told myself that I’ll write from my own experiences because it will make all that I produce relatable, and all I want is for readers to relate to what I write about. I don’t necessarily aim to talk about what I have gone through, but to explore the thoughts that are triggered by what I have gone through.

Last week I was in a car crash, and my life did not flash before my eyes. I saw no white lights and I didn’t think of the things I should and shouldn’t have done. All I did was cover my face and scream.

However, the only reason I’ve mentioned white lights and life flashing before my eyes is because I’ve heard that this is what people see when they feel like they’re about to die. Apparently when I feel like I’m about to die, I scream.

We all deal with pain and fear differently. Some of us cry and some of us suppress it. Some of us tell people about it and some of us relive it over and over again.

So, I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to get through it. I think that I was just scared, so I screamed in order to handle that feeling.

And in the same breath, we receive various strains of pain as individuals. Sometimes we’re broke, and that hurts. Meanwhile, our friend has lost a relative. Or, we are having suicidal thoughts while someone is angry because they missed out on a concert ticket.

In situations like this, we can either see our pain as something small in comparison to others, or as something big instead, depending on the situation. Regardless, I believe it’s important to consider the fact that pain is pain. If you are not comfortable, you have the right to express it. Although this is relative to the setting you may be in at a given time, you can’t help but feel what you are dealing with.

God gives money to the broke and he heals the broken-hearted. He makes tickets available again and he makes your life worth living again. If he has the ability to do this, surely your pain was valid in the first place?

Pain should be acknowledged and dealt with in whatever way you feel, consciously and subconsciously. I think that as long as you deal with it, there is a way to see a future ahead of it.

I was on a plane back to the UK and I felt disconnected. There were many trains of thought moving through my head and I couldn’t put my finger on what I was feeling. So I wrote down everything coming to my mind: “plane thoughts”. The whole piece is discombobulated, but I know it means something.

9:55pm

There is so much going on in life, so lately I’ve had a lot to think about and process inside. Some things aren’t working out, and the things that are working out seem so small in comparison to the mountains I still have to climb.

I’m happy with the friends I have but I still want to make more connections. I like the idea of my desired career but I feel like it won’t be enough sometimes. Sometimes, I feel like I just won’t make it.

When the people around you can hardly hold themselves up, it’s hard to remain optimistic. I often wonder how long these in-between feelings will last. I hope that one day I will feel content, and that that feeling of contentment will stay forever. I don’t like feelings and emotions that I can’t trust. I really want some stability, and I want to feel like I truly belong somewhere, because sometimes I find it hard to see where I fit in. I’m proud of the fact that I’m a mixture of genres, and I’d like to be difficult to categorise. It’s a nice thing in theory, however sometimes it excludes me. I feel like too many aspects of my personality are far from each other. So I struggle to hold myself down.

It’s close to an existential crisis; they aren’t exclusive to middle age.

I don’t like being more confident when I’m alone than when I’m around others. I don’t like forgetting my worth when I see someone that wears theirs on their sleeve – I have sleeves too. What is stopping me from wearing mine so proudly?

Despite these thoughts, I know to never forget that I am the way I am for a reason. Of course, there is a lot I need to improve about myself. But I’m talking about personality traits that are exclusive to me: things that are neither good nor bad, but just me. I’m like that for a reason.

God made me that way and he loves me that way. I have to remind myself that this is enough, and it will always be enough. I don’t need to be noticed by certain people or a certain amount of people to be special. And, I don’t need to be told that I’m amazing to believe it.

It’s good to regularly evaluate yourself. And in all honesty, sometimes you really aren’t moving. But it doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge how far you’ve come, and the value you hold regardless. It’s really just a journey; journeys have stops too. But after a while, they head off again and their worth is unchanged. It’s the same here.

But we cannot be sure of the true source of this perceived happiness, meaning that perhaps there is no need for it to be in our possession. Our emotions are sometimes influenced by external factors, and the scars inflicted upon us externally can have serious effects on the inside.

 

Someone said to a group of us with great sincerity, ‘Don’t let your emotions control you.’ I brushed it aside at first as I thought it made no sense. They’re my emotions, so why shouldn’t they control me? It felt like I was being told to distrust my thoughts and second guess my gut instincts. It’s difficult because I spend so much time with my emotions. In other words, I always write down what I’m feeling.

But I kept hearing it, on social media, in church, from my mum… I shouldn’t let my emotions control me. After some time I began to understand what people meant.

When we let our emotions control us, they have a great impact on our behaviour and actions. We can end up acting upon them – leading to situations that we don’t need to be in, and making a mess of things.

Life isn’t easy and we go through a lot. We want to be a part of certain groups and fail to do so, and we want to feel less lonely than everyone around us seems to feel. If people are in relationships, sometimes we want to be in a relationship too, and if they are happy, we want to be happy too. However the desire to be as happy as others seem can lead to us blindly chasing what we believe made them happy – whatever it may be. But we cannot be sure of the true source of this perceived happiness, meaning that perhaps there is no need for it to be in our possession.

Our emotions are sometimes influenced by external factors such as this, and the scars inflicted upon us externally can have serious effects on the inside. As the way we feel can control our actions, we become impulsive. We may end up chasing the wind, and finding ourselves in the same position or worse at the end of it all.

Despite this, it’s important to understand that you should still allow yourself to feel your emotions. When you miss someone, allow yourself to feel that. And when you feel empty or sad, don’t try to stop yourself from feeling that. Ignoring these feelings can lead to their suppression, and sometimes they transform inside, emerging as something unrecognisable and worse than what they were initially. For example, supressing anger towards someone can turn into toxicity towards a certain type of person when initially you were angry with just one person.

Don’t let your emotions control you, but do let them be felt.

[The Solution]

We all ask each other for advice, and whenever people ask me I tell them to write about their emotions, as trivial as it may sound (I believe it’s best to advise on what you’re sure works for you). It has really helped me to reduce their control over me. I’ve become more introspective and understanding. I’m less impulsive and I think more before jumping into situations.

Don’t supress your emotions, but divert them and use them to fuel your self-improvement. You will look back at what you’ve written and see how much you’re actually getting through. You’ll see that if you got past the difficulty of A-Levels, you can get past the difficulty of university.

A lot of the time we are getting better, but we don’t see it because we hurt more when we’re low. But when you write, you’ll see your improvement. And the feelings of under accomplishment and the like will have less control over your decisions.

Emotion control: you can master it all.

At the gate of it all, I can see what I’m about to step in to: a life of distraction from what I really feel. I don’t want to join that crowd.

 

A long time ago, I wrote down somewhere that it’s in the biggest crowds that we realise how lonely we are. I’m sure I’d heard it before, but that was the first time I really felt it.

And I feel like that all the time – so many people do. However most of the time, we are so distracted that we feel like it’s not there anymore, or like it didn’t exist in the first place. But, all it takes is for the feeling to be triggered by anything to remind us that nothing has really changed. So how much time are we going to spend being distracted from what we are really feeling?

I call them “base feelings”. Those of loneliness, sadness, anxiety, the lot. And I wonder if they ever really go away. It seems that the majority of the time, the world is successful at taking our mind off these deep emotions.

The question is then, should we allow ourselves to be knowingly distracted, or should we try hard to get rid of our base feelings?

At the gate of it all, I can see what I’m about to step in to: a life of distraction from what I really feel. I don’t want to join that crowd. You can ask yourself if you want to join as well.

And if you feel the need to work on these base feelings and the things that fly around your mind when you’re alone and no longer on a high, fulfil that need. Try to improve before you get too used to it. I don’t want to be chronically lonely, sad or anxious;

I want to be better. That’s a good thing.

Sleep is like drug sometimes. It works for a while, but eventually it wears off. There is still a problem to face when your eyes open.

One thing that everyone in the world has in common is that none of us chose to be here. Also, that life is difficult as the low times are more amplified than the high times. It is hard to see past what you feel, especially when what you feel is all you ever feel.

I noticed a long time ago that the best way to get through life is by acknowledging that things will seem like they’re going wrong most of the time. However problems arise when you let this affect you and pull you back.

Understand that life is hard, but you have to keep working. And when you’re unhappy, disheartened or empty, remember that it’s a part of life. You will get back up. And you’ll probably fall again. But, when you realise that this is a process, you become less sensitive to it all.

When you’re sad, try more than sleeping on it. It’s unlikely that when you wake up everything will be better. I feel sleep is like drug sometimes. It works for a while, but eventually it wears off. There is still a problem to face when your eyes open. So, what can you do when the bad feelings won’t go away?

Number one, you can find an outlet. I’m thinking of any form of art, such as drawing, writing, and all types off creative expression. Sometimes things are better understood when we see them in front of us. For example when you write things down, the pen touching paper is a way of physically releasing the emotion, thoughts and feelings that are pent up inside of you. Often, you don’t realise how much baggage you’re carrying until you begin letting it out.

Another thing you can do with bad feelings is talk about them. Although, this is without the expectation of answers. Sometimes the words need to be said, but they don’t require a response. You can just say it. To a person, or even to yourself. Saying it sometimes helps you to hear just how small the problem may be.

And if the problem is actually big, that’s fine too. Just work on it: what do you need to solve the problem? Is it impossible to solve? If yes, then try to worry less. There’s no point in fretting over what you can’t change. Instead, focus on how you’ll get it together and move on in the aftermath.

Pick yourself up. It is easier said than done, but it’s so much more possible than you think. Life won’t throw things that you can’t bear in your way.

You will be fine.

A lifestyle that is well nurtured will only bear positive and healthy fruit. As you sow into your life with responsibility and care, you  will reap beautiful results.

Nowadays we talk about how when we were younger we wanted to grow up, but now that we’ve grown up we want to be young again. When you grow up and the world sees you as an adult, life gets harder. There is no one left to blame when things go wrong because you are held responsible for your actions, even if this is against your wishes. Therefore, you have to make informed decisions and think deeply about the way you choose to live. However despite physically growing up we still shy away from responsibility as it shows how flawed, unskilled and vulnerable we are.

Mentally, we haven’t grown that much. So we avoid responsibility, similar to how we engage in shallow and unprofitable activities to run away from feelings of emptiness and loneliness.

Shirking responsibility reflects the fear of growing up and not being able to rely on others because instead, you are getting closer to others relying on you. Maybe you feel like you’re not the kind of person that people can rely on, or like you will constantly let yourself and others down. However it’s one of the best things in the world when people can rely on you for things. You have so much positive power and influence in your hands and you grow as a result, subsequently bettering the world around you.

If we are on this wave of self-improvement we have to take the blame for the things we do and the mistakes we make. We can always joke about life, but once we take blame and responsibility we approach it with more care. Caring is nurturing, and a lifestyle that is nurtured will only bear positive and healthy fruit. As you sow into your life with responsibility and care, you will reap beautiful results.

Constantly shying away from responsibility makes it easier for other people’s choices to control the direction of your life. So, learn how to be independent and singlehandedly do things that will make your life better. Try to rely on others less. Put pressure on yourself and see how far it takes you. Take responsibility of your future; you have the power to shape it, so don’t let others do it for you.

We must accept the fact that we have to grow up, and let go of the desire to be children once again. So much time is wasted in life when we keep looking back to feel nostalgic, even though there’s still an amazing life that we can make ahead of us.

The past isn’t going anywhere, it’s one of the only things in life that you can’t change. You can bear the past in mind, but you should also have the present and the future on your mind. When you let that interact with your current goals and acceptance of the responsibility you have over your existence, you’ll grow into a greater person.

I say all of this to say that responsibility makes you grow, and who doesn’t want to grow?

The control we have over our appearances compensates for the lack of control we have over the unfortunate events of life…  we are using exterior tools to mend interior problems, and it doesn’t work!

I feel like throwing away all of the mirrors attached to my name. That is, the one in the bathroom, and the ones in my bedroom. Also the mirror that I carry in my bag. Perhaps I’ll throw away all reflective surfaces that I stare in to until I find something to fix. I see that it’s undesirable to be excessively preoccupied with your appearance, but I understand that it’s easy to do so, as your appearance is something you can exercise a lot of control over.

When your eyebrows are scruffy, you pluck and thread them, or you fill and conceal them. However when your grades are low and you’re falling short of joy, the problem is more difficult to solve. The control we have over our appearances compensates for the lack of control we have over the unfortunate events of life. We make ourselves look better in order to feel better, and keep up appearances… ‘I’m falling apart, but I’m getting my hair done tomorrow. At least I’ll look nice then.’

You don’t need to have the best clothes, makeup, or following to understand this. I’ve observed that the changes we make to our looks (besides the purpose of being presentable) are made because we want to see results, and we want to see them now – they’re easily controlled.

However unfortunately, looks fade – as do the trends and styles that we submerge ourselves in every season. We tend to spend so much time on appearance that our substance begins to fade away. So, I want there to be a greater focus on what is inside than what appears to be on the outside.

This really needs to be considered. The saying ‘If you have time to worry about it, you have time to pray about it’ can be applied to this situation. The time we spend in making ourselves look better can be spent on genuinely being better and mending what is inside.

Everyone is so broken, and we see burning bridges and cutting people off as the way to fix ourselves. Or, we post  pictures of ourselves glowing in the sun to show that we can look candidly amazing, even though we don’t feel so. We are using exterior tools to mend interior problems, and it doesn’t work. Instead, it builds up a tough exterior that needn’t exist. We don’t have to harden our hearts in order to clear our minds.

To clear our minds, we need to spend time figuring ourselves out, and understanding the motives behind our behaviour. This is difficult as inner processes are harder to control. However you need to start somewhere. So, if you have time to make yourself look good, you have time to actually feel good, and be good.

I recently read a list that I wrote a year ago. On one side I listed what I like about myself, and on the other I listed what I don’t like. I found that the “don’t like” side had things like ‘sad spells’ and ‘know-it-all mentality.’ But the “like” side had things like ‘my eyes’ and ‘sense of humour.’ Of course, it won’t be the same for everyone, and the categories did cross over a few times. Nonetheless, I realised that I can turn the “don’t like” side into a list of internal things that I must work on – things that will be difficult to fix, but worth fixing.

What are the internal things that you haven’t worked on, and are you using exterior tools to compensate for your lack of control in those areas?

If you can think of any, try and take some time out to work on them. There’s no harm in feeling better.