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“all processes are worth trusting, even the ones where everything feels like it’s going wrong because you messed up… This is for the times when life replaces peace with fear in your heart.“

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The way the past makes me feel has changed a lot over time. Many things I regretted and hated myself for no longer stir up those same emotions inside me. Now, I feel more gratitude, relief, happiness…

Hindsight is a blessing, a beautiful thing. It’s taught me to trust every process that I go through because I may eventually understand why they happened, and realise that it was best for them to have gone the way they did.   

I want you to have this perspective too, if you don’t. Bear with me as I give an example.

Backstory

Parts of my primary school went under reconstruction when I was in year 6. Although summer came before the work was complete, I found myself watching the builders during playtime, so intrigued by their work and how they brought the structure to life. By year 8, this obsession with buildings transformed into a love for architecture. I got so excited at the sight of skyscrapers in Canary wharf, beautifully designed homes on Grand Designs, and renovations on Homes Under The Hammer. I’d decided to become an architect!

But fast forward to sixth form, my love for the career faded away as I constantly failed the subjects that I needed for an architecture undergrad. Besides that, I had no portfolio of work for my applications because I was and still am terrible at drawing (lol); it never excited me. Though I was in denial about it for a while, I finally accepted that my dream was no longer adding up; it wasn’t true to me anymore.

On the phone to a few universities during year 12 exam season, I was reminded that besides 3 A’s, I need a portfolio of my work to gain admission to an architecture course. I looked over at my bed, knowing that I didn’t have what they were asking for – questioning the genuineness of what I’d hoped towards for so long.

Yet on that very bed sat a notebook that I’d been writing in for a while. It held thoughts, flash fiction, and ideas for novels and writing that I wanted to develop. Like an epiphany, it came to me that I’d been working on my portfolio all along – just for the wrong subject. Later that day, I decided to study English literature at university, and soon after I made it a joint honours with creative writing. That was May 2016. In July 2020, I graduated with a 1^st in English with Creative Writing.

What’s my point? (TLDR)

The focus of this story is not the outcome, but the process I went through to get there. The day I made those phone calls, I was anxious. It felt like I had been setting myself up to fail all this time, and this was the finale. Unable to see how my life was going to get better from that point onwards, the situation felt bigger than me and I was beating myself up for not realising my truth earlier.

But too often we forget that life plans to work itself out in its own timing, and we should have faith in this fact. If I could, I would tell my 16-year-old self that my life is not over because I changed my mind about my career path. I’d also add that this process is worth trusting. Realising and accepting my love for writing and absence of such for architecture that day steered me down the correct path at the exact time it was supposed to.

Perceiving ups and downs

I refer to this time in my life because it reminds me that all processes are worth trusting, even the ones where everything feels like it’s going wrong because you messed up – and it did feel that way. This is for the times when life replaces peace with fear in your heart.

No story is without ups and downs. And when we retell them, we speak about the downs knowing that things worked out eventually. Even if they didn’t, they are part of a bigger story that we haven’t finished writing yet.

The value of hindsight

You should trust every process, failure, success, misunderstanding, miscalculation, mistake, the lot, at any stage you encounter them. Believe that they are part of a longer story that is yet to be complete. Zoom out and consider what this could mean in the bigger picture: something beautiful and worthwhile!

It’s time to use hindsight to our advantage when we are in the thick of turmoil. If we know that things can turn out okay in the end because hindsight has taught us so with our past experiences, we can use this knowledge to calm ourselves in the midst of the storm.

We can use it to our advantage and trust every process from now on, believing that things are working out the way that they should; they have done so in the past, and we must have faith that they will continue like this.

Try to accept uncertain times as pivotal segments of your story. I believe that this mindset helps to calm anxiety and fear in moments of overwhelm, reminding us that trusting all processes is the key we need to hold on tight and live through them, fearlessly.

Until next time!

“…life can pull you in different directions all at once, yet still be guiding you down the right path.“

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Why I am writing this

It’s been a difficult year for most of us, and I feel the need to reemphasise the importance of balance.

In some situations we are helpless; our options for solution are minimal and there’s little we can do to make our problems go away. This is the anthem of a pandemic. Although we have modern medicine and precautions such as quarantine and social distancing, no one can grind a such a crisis to an instant halt.

On the other hand, there are situations where all we need to do is apply ourselves and focus in order to see the change we desire. Yes, you are stuck at home or out of a job, but one day of trying hard to complete an application may be all you need to make the most of what you have during this time.

Not necessarily out of a rut, but building something special inside of it.

The Least

When there is something you want to achieve and there are obstacles to pass over in pursuit of it, trying is the least you could do. That is, for example, starting one part of an application, drafting that email, talking to that person, or simply accepting something to be true.

If someone were to ask, “Well, have you even researched what it takes to [insert interest]?” Your answer should be yes. Because if it weren’t, an immediate response could be, “Trying is the least you could do. You could at least read about what it takes to [insert interest]”. So apply that to what you desire, and start trying. That’s your first step.

The Most

Meanwhile, there remain situations in life where all efforts lead to dead ends. Sometimes you do nothing but push yourself towards a goal, only to look up and find yourself exactly where you started. In this situation, trying is both the most you can do, and all that you’ve been doing. All that’s required of you now is to keep up this effort. In the midst of such, consider other approaches, for considering itself could be another form of trying the most.

I have been passionate about balance since I realised that life can pull you in different directions all at once, yet still be guiding you down the right path. To begin trying in areas of your life where it’s the least you can do, and to remain trying in others where it’s the most you can do is a great way to understand the importance of balance. Neither side of the scale should be heavier than the other.

From now on it will be my goal to aim for, and maintain equilibrium.

I am increasingly willing to accept that I may be the tiniest cog in the works… Perhaps it’s best to find peace with this. It will not make me stop striving for change, but it will take the focus off my own requirements and put them all on the issue at hand, where it belongs.

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Hello, Hello, Hello!

I haven’t written a post in a while, and a lot has happened in the world since. That’s the go-to reintroduction in any space during the enigma that is 2020. Of course, you aren’t relying on me to give my perspective on recent events but I shall give it nonetheless!

Welcome to somevariables.

This post will cover 4 topics: Social Media, Revolution (a comeback), Education (+reading) and Passion. Yay, exciting! Let’s get into it.

Social Media

We know that it’s a double-edged sword. Through our usage we have the power to build up and tear down, and doing so has come with more ease than ever before. For example we saw the power of social media in the past few weeks with the ENDSARS protests in Nigeria and the awareness raised about coltan mining in Congo with the hashtag #CongoIsBleeding. These are things that were happening in the world which social media brought to our attention, specifically filling in the gaps that broadcast and print news companies left wide open. That’s what hashtags are all about and we are grateful for it.

I had a change of heart during the week because I held an underdeveloped opinion that social media activism is hardly activism. By that I meant sharing posts, using hashtags, expressing rage, and doing nothing else. But I read a tweet that shut me up, as it explained that we only found out about these horrible occurrences through social media itself, so it is clearly an effective tool towards justice and liberation. Why not carry it on?

The main qualm that remains for me is the extent to which we as a collective, with the same hopes of liberation in mind, believe that social media is the liberator. We all know that there is more to be done.

Raising awareness on social media platforms is the first step; it’s a method by which those in power can be pressured by tangible, acute and inescapable civil unrest, and make a move in the correct direction to fix the problem (though they scarcely do so, unfortunately).

But beyond raising awareness is actual change. This puts pressure on the literal movement of obstacles, which is not as easy as we would like it to be. Especially when the powers that should not be (I like that, learnt it from a flat earther documentary. I am not a flat earther though.) benefit from these obstacles being in place. Such a sticky situation leads me to my next point.

Revolution

Many people think they will see change now. Yet as time goes by it feels like we must accept that we might not see the change. Emphasis on the we, because I have heard people say that they don’t want to be fighting for the same causes that they are now when they’re old. But we can see that happening in this moment. Angela Davis has as much to say about Black Radical Unity & Power now as she did during the USA’s Civil Rights Movement.

How okay are you with change not happening in your lifetime? (see my poem, What Do You Think?) Will you accept that it could instead happen in someone else’s, or do you feel a right to experience that right now? This is not to be negative, as we have seen a lot of positive change in our years. However, changes on the macro scale such as poverty, corruption and racism seem to have roots that run so deep, that it will take generations to finally topple those hateful trees over.

I believe that the passion for a cause erases temporal desires. Yes things are urgent, but regardless of the timescale, it is something one should be timelessly passionate about.

I am increasingly willing to accept that I may be the tiniest cog in the works, or the faintest breath in the wind that makes the butterfly flap its wings. Perhaps it’s best to find peace with this. It will not make me stop striving for change, but it will take the focus off my own requirements and put them all on the issue at hand, where it belongs.

Do you agree? Let’s see how this approach holds up.

Education

I am reminded of the Toni Morrison quote where she said, “When you get these jobs that you have been so brilliantly trained for, just remember that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else. This is not just a grab-bag candy game.”

I can relate this to education and reading. A lot of us have more knowledge than we give credit to, and therefore a lot more power than we feel at liberty to utilise. How amazing would it be if we always shared what we just learnt and spoke openly about the answers we have just been given? If some knowledge has freed you, it should not stop with you. You should free others with that same knowledge. This in my opinion contributes towards collectivism in the best way. In summary, it’s an “everybody eats” mentality and I am here for it.

Of course, sometimes sharing knowledge requires you to read the room first, but you’re smart enough to do that. Do not underestimate the potential you have to make a difficult concept more understandable because of how you, as an individual, will frame your sentences. There is a lot of power in your hands and no one holds that power like you do. Mix that with what you have just learnt, and that right there is unique and relevant teaching!

Reading

Along those lines, reading is also important. If there’s anything I learnt from the BLM movement earlier this year, it’s that fact checking what you read on social media is very important. Many terrible things are true, but the last thing I want is to spread fake news. I hate to write about it but it’s very relevant. Simply ensuring that what you are sharing is factual will go a long way. And developing your own opinion and perspective is more so important.

For example, sanctions. After the Lekki toll gate massacre on October 20th, there was a petition circulated to demand for the UK to impose sanctions on the Nigerian government. I wasn’t too sure of what sanctions would do, and any involvement from the west sounded fishy to me. So I did some reading and spoke to someone who knows more about this topic than I do. I then decided that signing the petition would not be the best idea, even though most people were pushing it.

Grassroots change is what we need. Not western intervention.

Rather than regurgitating popular opinion in the midst of rage and unrest, it is still important to check exactly what platform you are standing on and what you are promoting. We learnt this at school – sources, evidence, footnotes, comprehension… Let’s try to maintain these skills in the midst of social justice, where it matters the most.

Passion

This is a semi-tangent. But life has sparked a lot of curiosity in me lately, and my answers reside in books. I want to read so much more than I currently am – both fiction and non-fiction. I believe that claiming a passion (in this case, reading) should lead you to spending as much time on it as you can; perhaps even pressuring yourself (healthily) to keep on doing it, and get better at it.

I want to know more so I need to read more. Can you fill that sentence in for yourself?

Here are 4 books/essays on my own reading list:

• My Sister The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite
• An End To The Neglect Of The Problems Of The Negro Woman! By Claudia Jones
• The Sellout by Paul Beatty
• The Future We Choose: Surviving the Climate Crisis by Christiana Figueres and Tom Rivett-Carnac

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That will be all. Long winded, but compensatory in light of my absence! I hope this got you thinking about something.

This week I also realised that you should run with all of your ideas. No matter how small or irrelevant they seem. See what sticks – work on them until they become relevant, or until they evolve into something beyond your imagination.

Until text time.