This is how grateful I am



In my last post I was on an extreme high. I’ve levelled out since then, but overall I have been happy over the past couple of months. I got a new job and my skin is clearing up so I feel a bit more confident (thank you accutane)! I look at my vision board and I truly see it coming to life. From things I wanted to start, like pottery, to travelling and spending time in nature, all I can do is be grateful. That word doesn’t seem like enough.

Gratitude, thankfulness, joy

The journey I’ve been on concerning my faith in the past year or so has been harrowing yet freeing. I’m excited for the further questions I’ll deal with and the certainty I’ll develop about a range of my beliefs.

I believe in God and I believe in life. I believe that provided one has a belief in God, a personal relationship with him is of the utmost importance. Grace flows from that. Everything else feels like decoration. And I believe that life does what it wants – it’s down to us to surrender to its force. We always land where we’re supposed to, because all timing is in divine alignment. That’s what I’ve stripped things down to.

I am grateful for my family. To live with them is to be surrounded by love at all times and I can’t ask for anything more. I still hope to be more expressive of my love towards them.

I am grateful for my friends. To deepen my relationship with them all is something I hoped for this year, and following a recent trip away with them, I see this hope coming to life too. I love them all so much – the ones I see often and the ones I don’t. There is no one in my life wasting space or constantly draining my energy. For that I am thankful.

I am not in love. But let-downs and disappointments in the past couple of years have only established much needed standards for me. I know what I can give and I know what I deserve and I know this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Adjustment period

Despite these certainties, I know I am still in an adjustment period. The light at the end of the tunnel is so bright that I may as well be out of it – but I am still not. Perhaps that’s due to daily ups and downs. And perhaps that means this so-called “tunnel” is just a figment of imagination…

Now, I want to work on my how I perceive my body, because I’ve been hyper-fixated and insecure about it recently. I’m not sure why. I also want to make decisions for myself with all trust, relying less on people’s input out of fear that my own approaches cannot be trusted. Additionally, I want to do more things that make me cringe because that’s where so much happiness lies. I’ve been making poetry TikToks and they are all a bit corny to me but I really enjoy producing them, so what’s the harm?

Self-acceptance is and always will be key. I once again remember that I should be happy with myself wherever I am in life rather than placing my happiness in a future version of myself – I have no idea how long I’ll be waiting, and there’s no certainty that I’ll be happier with that version when it comes anyway.

One last thing…

In 2021 I made a post about fearing the next chapter. I didn’t know what to expect next for myself, and it daunted me. I still have that feeling now, but it’s about feelings rather than my any future position.

I have a fear of what the overwhelming feelings will be in my next phase of life. I always assume they will be low, especially when I feel good.

Fearing the next chapter takes away from the beauty of the moment. So I will try to focus on feeling good now, and whatever comes next will be dealt with at the time. Let’s focus on now.

Thank you for reading ❤

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