… there is a divine being involved, who knows the true intentions of every unknowing action we make.
***
After three years of denial and excuses, I found my inner bookworm again.
I’d been waiting for a desire to get back into reading and it appeared unexpectedly. Though I started and stopped the novel months ago, I finished it in under a week!
My degree meant that I was reading books all the time, so reading for pleasure took a back seat (until it fell out of the car) because I always had something else that I was obligated to read for the sake of my grades.
I pushed the genuine enjoyment of novels that I wanted to read into the far future. This tells me that we often look forward to a time where we can experience something that pleasures us, guilt-free. And oftentimes we hold back on such indulgence because it never feels like the right time.
BUT HELLO, NEWSFLASH! IT WILL NEVER FEEL LIKE THE “RIGHT TIME”!
Because, sometimes you just do things or make random decisions that take you to unimaginable places. This can’t even be premeditated.
Last week I learnt that there are no bodies I can’t exhume and no passions that I must lie to rest completely. As long as I apply myself correctly once things happen to be going in a desirable direction, I will be able to get back into whatever my younger self was interested in, regardless of my age.
And you can take that argument as far as you like – that’s your business!
This isn’t even to say that you should just stop overthinking and just start what you want to do. Because I could’ve simply decided to pick up the novel and force myself to finish reading it, but that failed countless times in the past.
It wasn’t motivation, determination or the desire to prove something to myself that led me to reading and finishing the novel. I just picked it up because I couldn’t sleep and expected it to send me to sleep. But life took me in a completely different direction.
Sometimes, you pull yourself together so unexpectedly, and it inspires you more than the other things you have planned to help you achieve just that.
Trust every process and take nothing for granted. Be kind to yourself (something I definitely need to work on) and accept that life is scarcely planned – there is a divine being involved, who knows the true intentions of every unknowing action we make.
*
The book I read was Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi. 10/10. Would recommend.
I believe that if you can’t think of a way to improve something, then it deserves full ratings. After all, how much life will you live until you give something full marks?
It’s good to feel like any experience was the best and totally unbeatable. If anything, it deepens your appreciation for anything else that you see as perfect in the aftermath.
Some Variables 