HOW THEN, IF ANYTHING, CAN I EMBRACE IT ALL?
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I woke up on a Sunday in March with no plans aside from a concert in the evening. It was so sunny outside, and it brought feelings of hope to me. Being March, the sun felt like nothing but a representation of Fool’s Spring. But nonetheless, I can’t deny the feeling that sunshine in the morning brings. Sometimes the sun is so present that you may be tricked into thinking it’s actually warm outside this time of year.
I always found it interesting that we can feel the sun’s warmth all the way down here. It really is scorching hot. It’s just the air that’s cold. I’m no weather girl but from what I know, its the air that really tells us when winter is dead, that even when you’re standing in the shade, sweat can be dripping down your back.
I felt a lot of hope. Amid the millions of thoughts flying around my head in recent months, things felt a bit clearer and hopeful.
My problem is that it often takes sunshine to feel that. For me, aside from the wildcard days when I remember my life isn’t all that bad, sunshine is what it may take to lighten my mood. That is ironically married to the fact that I live in England, where there is sun for what feels like 20% of the year.
The recent burst of sunny days we have had stir up strange feelings within me. Like a child who has been deprived of something they wanted for so long, I struggle to take in these rays, even though I know they lift my mood. Sometimes it’s Fool’s Spring after all, and within days the clouds come back to play. It must be that I know this sunshine won’t last forever, so why embrace it at all?
That aside, the feeling of hope that graced me on that Sunday morning is something I want to feel more during winter. Instead of seasonal depression and the desire to stay inside with dreams on hold, I want to look into the darkness in December and still feel hope. I don’t want to inadvertently rely on one element to determine how I will feel at the top of my day.
How do we inject hope into winter? How do we treat darkness as if it’s light?
I know some people may say the dark winter is to be embraced. So what if you don’t feel hope specifically – what if you feel something else that is also good for you? Whatever that may be, I’m not too sure of it as I write this. Perhaps it’s determination, planning, hard work, or something like that. People use the winter months to lock in and plan for the year ahead. And I guess if you’re still on track with your New Year’s desires, this weather can give you the boost you need to continue.
What I’m getting at is a consistency in emotion. But rather than answers, I’m left with questions within my power that I feel encouraged to explore:
- How can I cultivate a rhythm of hope regardless of the season?
- Can I find beauty and light in the darkness?
- Can I embrace Fool’s Spring even if it only lasts a few days?
- Can I show grace to myself this coming winter if hope still eludes me?
Weather is so impactful on my mood. My birthday is in the middle of summer, and I take it personally when it rains on that special day. In the lead-up, I obsessively check the weather for July 16 to see what I can expect, essentially knowing my mood will be dictated by it. Perhaps it is not something I can change about myself, but I think it would be nice to have an approach to life that is so consistent, that the weather doesn’t faze me at all.
Maybe I am just human though. We go through seasonal changes for a reason (play Seasons Change by Corinne Bailey Rae). So how then, if anything, can I embrace it all?
Some Variables 