As mentioned in my previous post, this month I had a poem of my own published in a poetry journal for the first time! My end goal is to release a collection through a publisher, and this brings me one step closer as I try to establish myself in the poetic world.
My poem As the wheel spins depicts the ritual of pottery as an attempt at a new relationship. The subjects practise this ritual whenever they open their hearts to falling in love, much like a potter beginning a new work of art with every lump of clay they shape.
I’M VERY SURE THAT I CAN USE RESISTANCE AS AN INDICATION OF WHERE I SHOULD PERSEVERE.
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I haven’t written much poetry this year. I’ve known this all along. But that didn’t lift my fingers to type anything. They remained where they are. Still during a nap. Scrolling, holding someone’s hand. Doing my hair. Not writing.
If I don’t get anywhere soon with my poetry, that’s okay. I’m not in total control of my journey. God is. All I can do is apply myself and be kind to myself. This journey of life isn’t about proving who I am to any being – myself included. I want to prefer journeying the path and seeing myself slowly get there. I will get somewhere eventually. I can take the scenic route perhaps.
RESISTANCE
I believe that the dreams recurring in my mind and the places I long to see, are the places that should see me.
Because of this, I observe resistance on the path towards where I want to be. I’m yet to figure out why it lies there. But I’m very sure that I can use resistance as an indication – a signpost of where I should persevere.
I have experienced a lot of resistance towards poetry this year from what feels like myself and external forces. A lack of self-belief and organisation/motivation has held me back from submitting poems to journals, which is the first step towards being published by an actual publisher.
On the flip side when I have tried, I’ve received way more rejections than acceptations. But I won’t lose sight of the one acceptation I’ve had. I eventually set my heart on having just one poem published this year, and I’m getting that this month!
Yet, I do still fear that I am fizzling out. Even though it will take a lot for me to get to that point. But I also believe that my path may just be slow– having a love for something like poetry doesn’t have to manifest through “achievement.”
As someone with a meritocratic mindset it’s hard to not link achievements to self-worth. But I think a slow journey might be good for me (but bear in mind that if it was fast I wouldn’t mind either lol).
If by the end of my time I have maintained an undying dedication and posture towards poetry, it will be a life well-lived.
I think I can pay more attention to the things in life that take time and let the heavy feelings pass through me. I just tell myself they’re going to go away eventually because they usually do.
And finally, I’d like to leave you with questions I am asking myself: What direction is my resistance coming from? Am I resisting the dream or is there an obstacle in my path, resisting my progress? Is it both?Will I persevere anyway?
Some Variables 