I’M VERY SURE THAT I CAN USE RESISTANCE AS AN INDICATION OF WHERE I SHOULD PERSEVERE.
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I haven’t written much poetry this year. I’ve known this all along. But that didn’t lift my fingers to type anything. They remained where they are. Still during a nap. Scrolling, holding someone’s hand. Doing my hair. Not writing.
If I don’t get anywhere soon with my poetry, that’s okay. I’m not in total control of my journey. God is. All I can do is apply myself and be kind to myself. This journey of life isn’t about proving who I am to any being – myself included. I want to prefer journeying the path and seeing myself slowly get there. I will get somewhere eventually. I can take the scenic route perhaps.
RESISTANCE
I believe that the dreams recurring in my mind and the places I long to see, are the places that should see me.
Because of this, I observe resistance on the path towards where I want to be. I’m yet to figure out why it lies there. But I’m very sure that I can use resistance as an indication – a signpost of where I should persevere.
I have experienced a lot of resistance towards poetry this year from what feels like myself and external forces. A lack of self-belief and organisation/motivation has held me back from submitting poems to journals, which is the first step towards being published by an actual publisher.
On the flip side when I have tried, I’ve received way more rejections than acceptations. But I won’t lose sight of the one acceptation I’ve had. I eventually set my heart on having just one poem published this year, and I’m getting that this month!
Yet, I do still fear that I am fizzling out. Even though it will take a lot for me to get to that point. But I also believe that my path may just be slow – having a love for something like poetry doesn’t have to manifest through “achievement.”
As someone with a meritocratic mindset it’s hard to not link achievements to self-worth. But I think a slow journey might be good for me (but bear in mind that if it was fast I wouldn’t mind either lol).
If by the end of my time I have maintained an undying dedication and posture towards poetry, it will be a life well-lived.
I think I can pay more attention to the things in life that take time and let the heavy feelings pass through me. I just tell myself they’re going to go away eventually because they usually do.
If you’re feeling resistance between yourself and something you’d like to reach, this article may resonate with you: How can we overcome resistance and create the life we long for?
And finally, I’d like to leave you with questions I am asking myself: What direction is my resistance coming from? Am I resisting the dream or is there an obstacle in my path, resisting my progress? Is it both? Will I persevere anyway?
Some Variables 